27 December 2011

A Proposal.







One foot pushes of the ground after the other, flinging dust and rubble behind him. His stride length begins to stretch as he springs from his toes. The man begins to speed up, now racing against himself. His face red with fury, teeth gritted, his whole body pushing its limits. In his hand he holds it, the key to her heart, the only thing that can save what he has. He can feel sweat on his brow, he's panting now, already exhausted but still less than halfway. He wipes the sweat away, spits the thick mucus from his throat. He eyes are wide, restless, darting one way and another, trying to figure out everything in one instant.
Half way, he darts across a large road, its clear, he checked. Time for his shortcut, he has little time left. He dives through a hole in the fence as he finished crossing the road. Bringing him to the top of a hill, a large hill, a rather steep hill. The man catches his breath, taking a 20 second break, before lowering himself and sliding down. He begins with the the left foot in front as he slides, then the lower half of his right leg to keep balance, his smart trousers getting torn and dirty. About halfway down he slips onto his rear and rolls a few times before stopping at the bottom of the large hill, the man now completely covered in dirt, the prize still in his hand. He stands up, pulling himself away from the cloud of dust and runs again, dodging trees and fox holes. The light is scarce through the thick canopy but he can see well enough to get to the other side of the woods without falling again.
As he does reach the end of the wood he reaches a small country road, without the use of grit, the road is icy and covered in a thick snow. the city had the snow cleaned away on roads and pavements, and barely any reached the floor of the woods, but here was a completely different place. All he had to do was follow the road until he reached the house of his lover, he was about three quarters of the way now. He runs, watching his step as he strides beside the road. The road is reasonably straight other than the one turn that hes coming up too, and another about a mile back. As he skids around the corner he sees a bright light, a car. He hears the screech of brakes. The skidding tires. The thud as the side of the car bonnet hits his legs and throws him over the car. The second thud as the car hits a tree.
His eyes open, his vision slowly focuses. A woman, tall, stands over him, but its not clear enough to see. Shes on the phone, he hears her talking. He tries to move, but his legs wont, and his arms are too heavy. He lies, weak, in agony. His fist still clenched, he wont let anything happen to what he holds. He'd give his life to protect it. His focus is back, he looks down at his dirty, blood stained suit. His legs in positions they shouldn't be in. He swallows a mouthful of sick and blood, then his view returns to the girl on the phone, she seems hurt, but not too badly. A limp, blood on her face.A familiar face, he begins to recognise her, realise who hes just been run over by.
His heart slows. His girlfriend, stood, in tears, fearing for him. He coughs, signalling her over, unable to lift his arm, he releases the object in his hand, a box, small, and nods towards it. She bends over, picks it up, opens it. A ring, diamond, rather large, sat between two rubys. Her face lights up, she bends over, thanks the man with a kiss. The pressure of lips on his aching face hurts, but he grits through, pushing a smile. He had planned on a romantic proposal, before she had left for her business trip, but this was the best he could do. As they were together smiling, waiting, the mans eyes close, he drifts out of consciousness. The ringing of sirens in his ears.

26 December 2011

Ambition.







I wonder whether I'm ambitious, like actual ambition. There's a question asked once too often, what do you want to be when your older? It really gets at me, mainly cause I struggled to answer it. I would be happy working in a small shop, just another worker in the hive, getting to help people day to day. I didn't feel there was much else I could be, sure if I put my mind to it I could wrestle through uni and make something of myself, but I didn't really want too. I never really knew what I'd do after that, I'd feel lost, being on my own after such a long time in education. Struggling to find a path, I made one up for myself, it was a path I thought would keep me happy. It did, for a while, but now I've spent time thinking. Now my ambitions are clear. I think I figured what I really want. I think I know what I want to be.
I want to be a father. I want a family, a wife, kids, maybe one day, grand kids. I want to watch them grow up, watch them develop, watch them smile. I want to be happy, to enjoy each day and the things that each day brings. I want a simple life, but one in which I can keep my wife and kids smiling. I want to live for them. Is that ambition, I guess, maybe. I feel as if its a fitting path, a path that would keep me happy, keep me stable. I envy those I see with the life I want. Surely that's expected, especially at this time of year, family's happy, children smiling, parents smiling. I want that, I want to smile with my kids and my wife, I want to make my wife and kids smile. I want to give them everything I have to give, I'm willing to give them everything I can give.
I just want to be happy, to be simple, to have something meaningful, something strong.
I want to know what its all like.

Brake Out.








Listening, each second passing increases my heart rate. I wait for the signal.
Thud.
I stand up and run.
The chair at the table flies out from underneath me.
I spot my partner, imitating my moves at the other side of the mess hall.
Two seconds it takes for me to reach the guard, with his back turned.
One second to take his baton from his belt, and an extra to disable him; he hits the floor.
A second thud as my partners guard also hits the floor.
Recalling the plan in my brain, I search the body for keys.
My partner rallies the troops.
The prisoners follow me.
Through the door into the corridor, stop, spotted.
Five prisoners leap forward at the two guards.
Four seconds before they reach them.
Two tasers released after one and a half seconds, two prisoners drop, thud.
The three press forward, one gets knocked out by a fist, the other two prevail.
Forward and a right turn into a corridor of cells.
Thirty meters long, two meters wide, seven cells on each side.
An extra soldier in each.
Cheers.
Behind us, scream.
Three guards subdue five of our twenty team-mates.
My partner attacks them, I run forward to the tiny room at the end of the corridor.
Four and a half seconds and I’m at the door.
Smash it open, one second.
The guard turns, baton to the stomach.
He’s hunched over, I bring the baton up, and thud, he hits the floor.
Find the button, press it, the cells open.
Cheers.
It all takes Four seconds.
I pick up a mobile phone from the target that’s on the floor.
Dial a memorised number, call for our van.
Into the corridor, am I’m tackled into the next room by my partner and lots of prisoners.
Four guards await, one second and one is upon me.
Hits me in the nose and picks me up, three seconds.
I struggle and he drops me, thud, I hit the floor. Two seconds.
Swipe at the back of his knees and he joins me, another two.
And an extra second is what it takes to knock him out.
Stand up and look around the room, orange jumpsuits on limp bodies scatter the floor.
Six prisoners stand above me.
They help reassure me, my partner pushes us onwards.
Out the main entrance.
Fresh air.
Two guard towers, each side of the gate to freedom.
Each contains two men.
A cabin, contains the warden.
It’s night time.
The crowd of eight heroes split into four, and run down each side, eight seconds.
Avoid the searchlight.
Only one can get up the tower, one must take out two.
The biggest prisoner, an ex bouncer ascends the ladders on the left tower.
I ascend the right.
My partner waits at the bottom.
Eleven painful seconds until I reach the top.
Swiftly I raise the baton at it reaches the first guards helmet, one second.
He’s not out for the count.
The second guard wraps his leather arms around me, trapping my torso and lifting me up.
Mistake.
I lash out at the first guard with both my feet.
He topples over the edge, thud, three seconds.
I flip the second guard over my head; he hits the floor after one second, thud.
It takes me another sparing second to stamp on his head.
Broken neck.
Descending the ladders, seven seconds.
My partner grins at me.
The big prisoner jumps from halfway down the ladders, blood on his face.
Sneak around the tower.
Get to the cabin door, slowly open it, creak, two seconds.
The warden is asleep.
My partner creeps in and accurately steals a set of keys from her desk.
Leaves the cabin after eight seconds.
Quickly stride to the gates.
Open them.
Creak.
Shoulder to shoulder, my partner and I taste freedom.
He beams at me before a gunshot.
Blood trickles down my partners face, staining gleeful expression as it turns to stone.
My smile evaporates.
Thud.
I get picked up by the large prisoner and he runs, thrown in a van.
Despair.
Engine erupts into life.
Escape in Two Minutes.

 >G

23 December 2011

Lost








I’m lost. I’m used to having a sense of direction in my life. Family, friends, love and education are all contributing factors to my always eccentric world, they’re all I concentrate on and they’re all I need. For the past few years I have coasted along the social highway of friendships, love, and family, always knowing what I want, perhaps not getting it, but I do know what I want. People come and go, I make the wrong decisions, or less frequently, the right ones but people still go. Now I talk to people that I’ve known of for years yet never took the time out of my deserted schedule to actually speak to them; and people used to be my world, but now I wouldn’t even look at them in the street. For the first time in years I have no compass. I have no idea which way to go or what to search for because everything is toppling around me, three of my four life factors are slowly being crushed before me leaving me helpless. Everything I’ve reached for melted in front of me and the occasional ones that didn’t; weren’t what I wanted. Education bores me, but it is necessary and seems to be the only path that is staying stable. So I ask this; where do I go? Because I am lost.

>G

Why I Love You.







I love you.
I love you because you're warm.
I love you because you're there.
I love you because you stay with me.
I love you because you make me laugh.
I love your smile.
I love your eyes.
I love your dimples.
I love your arms.
I love your torso.
I love your legs.
I love the way you hold my hand.
I love the way you stroke my hair.
I love the way you stop my tears.
I love how you laugh.
I love how you walk.
I love how you look at me when you think I'm not looking.
I love how you love my family.
I love how you love my habits.
I love how you don't care if I'm in a mood.
I love how you stand on the outside of the pavement, and keep me on the inside.
I love all of you.
Unconditionally, and unchangeably.
~H

A Kiss.







A smile, the size of two, crosses my face. I stare deep into her big, beautiful, brown eyes. She bites her lip, I think she does it when shes concentrating, its cute. I blink, somewhat longer than a normal blink, more softened. Our noses touch, my smile stretches again, after only just having relaxed. Her beauty trumps all else. I never want the moment to end, stood just the two of us, our feelings conveying through each of our stares. My heart races. My eyes close, slowly, softly. My head tilts and I move slowly into the kiss, not the first, not the last. As I pull away slowly, staring into her eyes, I smile again, I've never been as happy as I am at this very moment.
My arms are behind her back, holding her close to me, our bodies sharing warmth. My stomach twists, turns, lets me know this moment is meaningful. My hands slide down her back and to her sides where they meet hers which have done the same. Our fingers interlock, fitting perfectly. I can't help but smile, once she sets me off I can't stop, she is so amazing, overwhelming. I can't much remember ever being as happy as I am when I'm with her. We kiss again, longer, her lips are perfect, nothing more, nothing less. She is so attractive afterwards, so cute, her smile.
It's not just her looks, her kisses, her touch. There's the way I can talk to her as well. Shes so great to talk too, she can be so open, yet so playful at the same time. I've never trusted anyone so much, never told anyone so much. Though so little time has passed it feels as if we've been together for such a long, long time. In a good way. I feel so close to her, even when we're miles apart. I don't think I've ever felt like this about anyone, ever felt so much for anyone before. My body is warm, I'm comfortable. I like where I am, I've never been in a better position. She is the most amazing person, and the best thing to ever happen to me.


~S

19 December 2011

C - Chrysalis








Once upon a time, Zhuangzi dreamed that he was a butterfly, flying about enjoying itself. It did not know that it was Zhuangzi. Suddenly he awoke, and veritably was Zhuangzi again. He did not know whether it was Zhuangzi dreaming that he was a butterfly, or whether it was the butterfly dreaming that it was Zhuangzi. Between Zhuangzi and the butterfly there must be some distinction!” - The Complete Works of Zhuangzi - Free and Easy Wandering, Section Two: Discussion On Making All Things Equal

Zhuangzi didn't know where he was; it was as if he had just risen. He opened his eyes to darkness. He felt that he was trapped inside something. Then suddenly, a shaft of light. It pierced the tight umbra like a butterfly sword, but then again Zhuangzi wouldn't know. He was outside of his time inside this confining structure. With much difficulty, Zhuangzi pushed himself from his natural prison. Something wonderful had happened! He stretched his antennae skywards, basking in the midday sun. He contemplated his situation. I... am a butterfly. He unfolded his wings, allowing them to warm in the glorious glow. He had meditated upon his dream a lot throughout his afterlife, and it appeared that he had been born again. He knew then what he must do. With a slight struggle, Zhuangzi pulled his legs out from the inside of his sanctuary, and crawled from the mould he had made with his thin, slender body. His proboscis extended slowly, testing the warm air; it was summer, but not as he remembered it. He felt that the temperature was right, however, and took off. It was difficult at first, he knew, but he managed to flutter to a nearby leaf, its soothing humid surface warming his feet. The taste of his childhood came back to him. He looked back at what he had left behind, his chrysalis rocking slowly in the breeze. Zhuangzi silently thanked it with a silent observation, and flew away once more.

Zhuangzi saw a lot of things he didn't recognise. Much of what he saw did not belong in nature, the ugly cuboid structures daring to defy the powers above. Yet Zhuangzi was at peace, at one with himself and the world.
As quickly as a butterfly wing-beat, the temperature dropped. He could feel his wings getting weaker. I need warmth! He had only just begun his reincarnation as a butterfly – he had forgotten that it could be taken away just as swiftly-
Once again, there was darkness. But also, there was warmth! Zhuangzi felt an peculier ecstasy of fear and safety. It was like being in the chrysalis, but without that certainty of security. The walls of this new prison felt softer than that as he explored, but Zhuangzi had to be careful of his wings. Then, as if it was a gift from the Three Pure Ones themselves, the confines of his cage unfurled, letting in the sight of the pure jade-green colour of nature. Zhuangzi could see two humans; they appeared to be children. I am not of them any more... Zhuangzi was thankful that the child had learnt the virtue of mercy. They were both dressed strangely, but Zhuangzi could see that the teachings of his time were still remembered in these strange times. As if the child had heard his thoughts, he swiftly raised his hand up into the air, letting Zhuangzi fly free. It was at this moment, in the summer air, that Zhuangzi realised; humans and nature are one. Just like being at peace was being at one with the world, despite the ying and yang, they were indivisible.

There was no distinction between Zhuangzi and the butterfly. Zhuangzi was the butterfly.

>-S->

17 December 2011

Heaven.







I wonder what heavens like, if I really want to go there. If it is perfect, then what is there to complain about?, It comforts me to complain, I'd want to be comfortable. But nothing's perfect, so what is it, just average? If heaven's only average I doubt hell would be much worse. What if I don't like it in heaven?, or further, what if I don't get in?. What if when I get there everything is made specifically, but not for me?, what if I hate it?, then will I get sent to hell? or will I remain there? What if heaven truly is different for everyone?, then will I ever see those that I love and miss again or will they be pushed into a separate after life, one in which we're apart. One where I don't get to see them again.



I want to go to heaven, but I don't want to end up just being disappointed. I want another chance to see those I have lost, to let them know how much I truly cared. I want to have a reason to not fear death, to know that after it I'll be comforted in the land of the lord. I want to be happy with my life, and not spend everyday fearing it being my last. I want to know the answers to a thousand questions a day. I want to know about the afterlife, heaven, hell. The truth about the afterlife, heaven, and hell.



And if I do never see those I miss. I cared about you all so much, and I hope your version of heaven keeps you happy, lets you smile, lets you know we care. Lets you know we cry upon hearing your name, and smile upon remembering your actions. You were all amazing people, and I honestly hope with all my heart, your up there, smiling, proud of those you were forced to leave behind.



~S

Banished.







     I lifted my body from the waist,  coming elegantly out of a bow. Before me, the court looked on, one face replicating another-an unnerving duplication. Below me, a small hand linked fingers through my own. The fingers were paler than my own, more fragile and easily breakable: my sister's hand. Aurelia looked up at me, eyes wide with fear beneath her thick blonde fringe. I squeezed her fingers gently, and she gave me a wobbly smile, completely false yet brave. Such braveness from a seven-year-old. 
     "The Court will rise." Movement as everyone behind me rose. I didn't follow the movement with my eyes, I relied on my ears to tell me that it was happening. Aurelia moved closer to my side, pressing her thin arm against my own, as if she could walk right into me and vanish from the court. If she could have done that, I had no doubt that she would have. "The Court may sit." Again with the movement.
     A sharp silence washed through the room, like a hand passing across a face. I remained standing as everyone else sat. Aurelia's hand convulsed around mine so tightly I looked down at her. In her clear, soprano voice, she spoke to me, making no pretence of what she was saying: "Tell the truth, Fire. You're a good person, the best sister ever, and I believe yo, even if these..." She paused, her face creased with a look of distaste, odd on one so young. I willed her, silently, not to say anything foolish. "Even if they," she jerked her head towards the panel of judges, "don't." 
      As she turned to leave, her hand tightened one more time, and I felt something cold and hard, metallic, being pressed into my own. I didn't dare see what it was, but shoved my hands into my pockets, releasing it there, and lifted my eyes to face the Court.
     "Fire. You have been accused of being the causation of the death of Sir Charles of High-bridge, a death which was declared as murder on February the 19th of this year. We have listened to both the case of the defendant and of the accuser. Our verdict is this: through a four against three poll, you have been decided as guilty of the crime committed." A gasp ran through the room, and the hairs on my back stood straight. "Order, order." The judge continued in his smokers'-voice: thick and hoarse from one too many a cigarette. "Your punishment, however, is not to be death, but is to be banishment, on account of your high status. You will leave this kingdom, and never return unless summoned by one of the High Family-one of your own kin. Do you accept your fate?"
     Silence.
     My heart sounded so loud to me that I was certain everyone else would be able to hear it. 
     I was to be banished. For murdering my own mother. 
     "I accept."
     In my pocket, my hand tightened around the ring Aurelia had given me: it was my mother's, I was sure. The kin-ring she had given Aurelia the week before she had died. She had given me a pearl of the same golden hue, but it had been taken from me when I was accused.
     I heard Aurelia saying my name, the saying turning to wailing, the wailing to screaming. I had never wanted this to happen.
     I closed my eyes and wondered how this had ever happened. How I had been accused of killing my mother and my queen-the woman I had loved all my life.
     Aurelia had been removed from the court chamber.


     I opened my eyes, no longer as a princess of the land, but as a banished nobody, an accused murderer.


~H

16 December 2011

Seasonal Perspectives








It’s funnyhow our perspectives of settings change due to the weather.
My backgarden for instance:

In the summer the lush green grass melts under the invisible rays that fly from the golden ball of flames in the sky. Next to which is the fluffy, distinct and lonesome cloud that hovers all by it’s self, waiting like an obedient dog. The two tree’s stand guard over my kingdom, protecting it like bodyguards. They stretch up into the blue abyss, their emerald green leaves surrounding the prickly twigs that hold up these guardians. A perfect light-brown picket fence skirts around the garden like a boy chasing a ball, the brown blends richly with the solitary shed that hides away millions of treasures. Just in front of this is a bush, which when windy, sways casually in the breeze like a dancer on a stage.

In the autumn,it rains. It creates a depressing aura that attacks you as you wake up and stays with you the entire day, poking at you until you crack. My garden takes the brunt of it, the grass mutates into an ugly swamp of rain water and mud which disgusts even the strongest stomached of people. The sun vanishes behind the murky, grey clouds that taunt every person who looks up at them. My trees have died. There surrounding leaves have discoloured to a communal show of browns, yellows and blacks and have dropped to the swampy floor. The actual tree trunk is naked, defenceless against the wind and rain and lacks the ability of guarding my less impressive ‘kingdom’. The fence sits, unable to avoid theconstant battering by the Gods’ wrath and soaks it all up like a sponge. The shed still hides away in the corner, no one ventures out to it anymore, its treasure, lost, until the bright summer. Finally the bush, droops and regrets growing up, very similar to how I feel during the rain.

>G

Struggles








I can try,
But I never do win.
It's hard to hear,
Above all the din.

I look for a path,
But get lost on the way.
I try to calm my wrath,
Try to walk away.

I wish I was free,
To do what I want.
If I could foresee,
Maybe life wouldn't daunt.

I walk through life,
Neither here nor there.
Try to avoid any strife,
But life's rarely fair.

~J.L.




B - B








And then I was born. I am proud of myself. I am the first. I glance down to realise I have no navel. That proves it. The protective web between my eyelids is washed away. I feel weightless. Things are latched to my arms. I open my naked eyes for the first time. Unable to move them.  Movement comes gradually. There is a slight and sweating man. Has a clipboard. A shudder as my heart begins to start. Pulsing. Throbbing. Movement has came to my neck. I turn my head left. More men. With navels. I would like to sneer but I cannot. My mouth does not yet work. Not even my tongue. So it cannot open. Just as well. I remember to breathe. There are tubes in my nostrils. I am born with a bounty of knowledge. This is why my birth is the ideal birth. No growing up to do, no dependencies. Only the purpose is important, my purpose. My purpose is innate, pre-natal. But only now do I realise that my motive is to kill. My body is a weapon, and like any other weapon it was made to be utilised. I don't know who I belong to. I think I belong to myself. Yes. Blood has flushed into my respiratory system. It's flowing to my muscles, carrying oxygen. But it's also carrying adrenalin. This is it! My purpose! I study the glass before me. I have enormous potential for myself; I will rid the world of those with navels. I am the beginning of a superior race. The glass erupts in a clear-as-crystal explosion, scattering to the four corners of the room. The amniotic fluid spills onto the floor, but I am left floating. They're shouting something, the men. I can't understand; language isn't vital in my development, especially when I don't need a mouth to communicate. Much like I don't need appendages to manipulate the world. The only world I know is in lockdown and they can't escape, the men. I waste no time in beginning my task. Rushing towards one, I grip him by the neck; the trachea is crushed beneath my heavy hand. Death by aerobic deprivation and tracheal collapse. I held him too hard, I'll try another. What did they say? Practice makes perfect. I grab another by his fabrics and throw him to the floor. He's dazed, but he'll live. Not for long, however. I took him by the neck as I did the last, with a fraction of the strength used previously. I held him and scrutinised him. Clearly terrified. A forgettable face. I stare into his eyes with the fastness of my grip. A surge of memories rush into my head; a whole life is played before me in 10 seconds. I find it hard to concentrate; it is annoying. I regain my vision to find I have dropped my target. Breathless as the corpse on the other side of the room, he tries futilely to escape. I place the force of a thousand upon his crown, which bursts like my glass capsule. Death by cranial fracture. The blood fuses with the amniotic fluid. Another, another! I'm impatient, so I hurl one across the room towards me as easily as when I kill a man. Bending to my will, this one adheres to my psychokinetic command and rises to face me. He is floating in the air as I am. Something moves within me. His lustrous eyes watch as I raise my right hand, the fingers clenched. I then raise my smallest finger. He goes rigid immediately. I hear a loud crack as his spinal cord begins to erupt from his back. With each finger raised, a bone rose to greet it. By the end of this punishing treatment he is very much dead. Death by spinal dislocation. Suddenly, I fall to the floor. My head begins to heat up. Blood flow increases to my head. I let out my first post-natal sound, a deafening roar which smashes all the glass in the room. My vision goes red. I see nothing but life and men and I want to end it all I will end them all...

Later. The room is awash with the corpses and blood of the slain. I don't know what else to do. I catch a reflection of myself. It is lavishly coated in the life-force of the dead. I look just like a human. But I do not frown. I smile. I smile because it will help me blend in. Like the clothes. That's all the clothes are really, a disguise. I then realise that blood is supposed to stay inside the body not outside. I'll have to sort that later.

Having assimilated the memories of that man, I find that I can now read and write and talk. It is then that I realise with great anguish what the patterns of ink mean on that shiny white surface. It reads: Subject A – stable. Respiratory system functional. Nervous system functional. Cardiovascular system functional. Muscular system not functional.
Subject B:

I was not the first.

>-S->

Life







The following is based on a true story.

2011 has been a year, not unlike any other, yet distinct; for good and for bad.

It's been a year of ups and of downs; a lot of things have happened to me, not all of them very pleasant, or happy.

I've fallen in and out of love, I've made and broke friendships, I've lost family members and I've cried. Yet with each tear I've learned: life is a long, hard trek, filled with pain, yet what we live for is the moments of joy and of love that define us. The people we love and the memories we keep, not the people we lose and the future we may not have.

I questioned many a time, what sort of God could allow this pain? Several a time I've felt like death, I've felt pain like I never knew I could, my heart has physically ached.

I don't drink, but several times in 2011 I've wanted to, I wanted to, to use the trite saying, drown my sorrows, to give my liver a kicking, because I just didn't care about life anymore. But then I remembered, for all that I've lost and all of my sorrow, there's infinitely more that I still have, and that can make me smile.

Through all this, I have been comforted by Job 1:21: "the Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Atheist, theist, agnostic or whatnot, these words, to me, explain life: every day is a gift, and if, from time to time - this year time and time again - we suffer, or we lose those we love, or we cry, we should be comforted by the life we've led and the life we will lead. By the people we love, and loved, and the relationships we formed - ever lasting.

Life hurts. But that's life.

WJ

Why I don't like snow.







Here's a fact: I don't like snow.
Do you want to know why?
Why I don't like snow?
I don't like snow because it's cold.
It's cold, it's cold, it's very cold.
Why else do I not like snow?
Because it's decieving.
It looks lovely.
But when you go outside, intending to enjoy said loveliness...
BAM!
It's horrible.
It's cold, and damp.
And it's just not very nice.
At all.

~H

15 December 2011

Cruel Love - Poem







I watch her through my month old eyes,
She’s weak, tired and aged,
She lays there in a pretty guise,
Suffering from every war she’s waged.
My wife she is, or was
Depending on how you see,
Painfully, she will now pause,
For her time is opposite to me.

I have now grew older,
Ripe age of sixteen I am,
She may not know it, but when I hold her,
I feel as prestigious as an iamb.
Now she’s in her early forties,
I get older as she grows younger,
I want time, yes, more please?
I can’t quite quench this hunger.

We both cross at thirty,
This is when we meet,
She starts off stupidly flirty,
She’s a trophy that cannot be beat.
I ask her, and she obliges,
We get married within a week,
I’m used to surprises,
But love is of what she will speak.

Time is a wicked thing,
Since now I’m sending her to school,
I wish I was her age again; we could have a fling,
Why is life so cruel?
I know the end is near,
Maybe just a few years,
Our journey is like a DNA strand I fear,
Running parallel and opposite to hers.

Now we’re at the end,
Or beginning depending on the view,
This quest we couldn’t bend,
Our love was seen by few.
We didn’t deserve this, oh holy, did we sin?
But finally I realise, this we cannot elude,
I see my wife’s life begin,
As my own is about to conclude.

>G

Tis the Season







I don’t want to seem cheesy – but did I ever tell you about the day I learned the true value of Christmas? I thought I mightn’t have. 

I recall it was Christmas Eve, some year or another, I don’t remember all of the details, nor all of the setting, but the result, I remember with great fondness.

Once again, I had neglected my present buying until the very last day, Home Alone and Elf had been playing since November, so my seasonal radar was thrown off and I’d lost track of the days – after all, it’s a season, what does the actual day matter? Or so I thought. Nonetheless, Christmas is nothing if not a time to empty my wallet into various shops and inundate my family with knick-knacks and clothing they don’t really need and don’t really want, so I headed down to the shopping centre, wrapped in all manner of festive garb: garish green and brassy red adorned my jumpers and hats and scarves and gloves, as I ambled outside and towards town, Jack Frost nipping at my toes all the while.

It has to be said, one dreams of a White Christmas, yet it’s rather hard to achieve through all the grey of society, and on top of the brash bright blues and reds and golds. It could have been snowing for all I noticed.

As I swung round the corner towards the main straight, walking down a tunnel of festivities, a street engrossed by tinsel, lights, fairies, trees and more, my goal was decided: it was present time. The insurmountable goal every year was, to buy as huge, gaudy and fantastic a present as possible for as little money as possible, yet I was perpetually draining my funds, exponentially, into indistinct stores selling indistinct tat, that, naturally, I had to buy. Headphones nestled in my festively cold ears, toddling down the street like an oversized, brightly coloured penguin, swaying to Slade, engulfed by Christmas, oblivious to the world, I saw him. That man.

Sitting on the floor, in front of some frosted glass fronted store, dreary, tired, with a straggly, sooty, grey beard, just spilling over onto his worn, tatty, dark red – although it might’ve been black for all the colour it brought – and a couple of old, mittened hands, grasping a lone carton of milk. Homeless. This was my conclusion. So, inspired by the message of Band Aid and deciding to Feed the World, I chucked the man a couple of pounds, awaited his “Thank you, sir” and “Merry Christmas to you” and waded off. If you take something from this story of mine: don’t judge a book by its cover, nor a man by his beard and coat. So, off I went, into the field of festive frivolities, in search of gifts.

I returned later that night, not all too late, but, due to the season, it was nigh-on pitch black. Now carrying the added weight of large, bright bags of indistinct gifts, I was toddling slightly slower than earlier, as I passed the same spot. As I arrived at the frosted glass once more, I saw no sign of the, presumably, homeless man; inclined by festive charity and curiosity, I did a slow, static circle, looking for the old, scratty gentleman. As I got about half way through my slow, shivery circuit, I spotted the man, tottering off, slowly, but with purpose, into a dark, desolate looking alley. Now, speaking from experience, dark, desolate alleys are rarely a smart idea when it’s nigh-on pitch black, and even more rarely when one is, presumably, homeless. So, spurred on by some daft thing that we call conscience, I also made for the dark, desolate alley.

Now thrust into a far more ambiguously threatening side of December, I wandered, along this, seemingly, unending alley, before I reached, nothing. I arrived at a dead end. The man had, apparently, disappeared. There was nothing around, save for one, lone, immaculately wrapped present. The ribbon sparkled, even in the dark, and I found myself leaning towards it, pulled by childlike fixation, I picked it up. I turned over the pure green label and read the message, addressed to me; “Thank you, sir, and Merry Christmas to you!” Shocked and intrigued in equal measure, I ripped it open, and was taken aback. Overwhelmed with catharsis and joy, I removed the small, teal kaleidoscope; the very one I had clamoured for as a child, the very thing I’d asked Father Christmas for. The very one.

As I heard a tinkling of bells, I looked up, just in time, to catch a glimpse of a bright shadow moving off towards the moonlit horizon. A bright shadow of an old, antiquated sleigh, pulled not by engine, but by a natural shine, a natural magic, helmed by an old man, with a new breath of life in him, with a straggly, grand beard, just spilling over onto his worn – by a lifetime of service and altruism – suddenly brighter, red – ever so red – coat, and a couple of old, mittened hands holding the reins. As I held that kaleidoscope of my dreams up to my eye, I saw things entirely differently.

WJ

A - Ambition







I guess that this ambition of mine cannot truly be achieved. Someone once said that unattainable dreams are the best kind, but I'm not so sure. Once you know for certain your ambition cannot be achieved, well, it all falls into place doesn't it? You cannot be that which you want.
Someone I know said their life ambition was to ascend to space but their physical restraints meant, like me, it was impossible for them to be what they want to be. This is the closest anyone has ever got to understanding this disappointment of mine.
When you're a young impressionable child, your parents say you can be anything you want. My choice of profession has changed over the years, I must admit, but whose doesn't? No-one is ever really sure how they will turn out, not even in adolescence.
You see, I've always admired the sky. How one day it can simply be a grey shroud encapsulating the atmosphere, then the next it can be as limitless an azure as the sea below it. How birds have the freedom of flight, yet our wings are clipped. Of course we now have aircraft and, seeing as they are the closest thing to the sky, I've taken a keen interest in them.
If you showed me a picture of an aircraft (particularly military aircraft), I could probably tell you what it was named; or at least its codename. Hip, Little Bird, Warthog, Thunderbolt... these are probably all words you recognise, but did you know they are all NATO codenames?
In my opinion, the most beautiful aircraft ever made is a plane, and that plane is the Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird. Its smooth, black sheen and its arrowhead shape epitomises the aeronautics industry. Its service as a recon plane is now discontinued due to the breakthrough of new reconnaissance devices, mainly satellites.
I find the story of its secret development fascinating; the sort of clandestine science hiding behind the Cold War paranoia. It makes me wonder what they did with it.
This is why I'm more disappointed than ever. Because it means I'll never achieve my ambition. It's performed its soliloquy and bowed its last bow, and now the curtains have been called.
Not necessarily of course, associated with the Blackbird... but I wanted to be something I never could, perhaps deluding myself in the process. I wanted to be a pilot.

>-S->

A Walk Home







It was a grey, rainy Wednesday. It was 5:00pm and Marv was getting ready to go home from his job at Westman & Jenkins' Accountancy. He didn't enjoy his job. He'd never enjoyed his job. He shut his computer down and got his coat from his chair. He had a nice chair. It was one of the few aspects of his job he did enjoy. Putting on his coat, he stepped out through the double glass doors into the pouring rain. Scowling, he turned up his collar and headed up Hamilton Avenue. Water pooled where the pavement dipped, soaking his trouser cuffs. Reaching the end of Hamilton, he turned left onto Hart Street. A green grocers was selling Granny Smiths. He bought one for $1.29. A little expensive, he thought, but he liked Granny Smiths. They reminded him of better days. He chewed as he walked, and pondered. He wondered about all kinds of things on his walks home. Simple things like what to have for dinner, or whether Michelle in the next room would go out with him. He knew she wouldn't, but he liked to think she might, one day. That day however, he thought of only one thing; life. And specifically, whether it was worth living or not. He'd thought about it before, and never come to a conclusion. He crossed over to Norfolk Street and threw his apple into a nearby bin. He thought about people who might miss him. No real friends, no family. The list wasn't very long. His job certainly held no appeal. Quite the opposite.
The rain continued as he wondered what it was that kept him living. He really wasn't sure, and never had been. Starting life as 'Marv' hadn't helped any. What kind of a name is 'Marv'? And he had never been good at coming to conclusions. Sure those little things were easy enough, but big issues had always stumped him. That's why he continued pondering, going nowhere, staying in the same house, the same job. His coat was thoroughly drenched now. He felt frustrated, trapped. He stepped onto Brooklyn Bridge. Marv hated water. It reminded him of how free he could be. He stopped walking, and leant against the railing to stare over the East River. The rain made little ripples in the water. They were free. The birds flying over the river were free too. Even those miserable grey clouds were free. It was then that he came to a conclusion. The first major conclusion he'd come to for a long time. He took his coat off and hung it over the railing. It was a nice coat, somebody would find use for it. It made him smile, the conclusion he'd come to. Thinking of Granny Smiths and better days gone by, he climbed over the railing. He paused, watching a leaf float by on the wind. And then he jumped. He jumped off Brooklyn Bridge. As he fell he felt free. He felt freer than he could ever remember being. He fell 119 feet to the water, smiling. Smiling and free.

~ J.L.

An Insight To The World.







Sitting in the library looking round at my friends, here are my insights:
1) Male. 16 years. Blonde hair. Tall.
Insight: When he concentrates, he looks younger, and he has a habit of smoothing his hair across his face.
2) Male. 16 years. Light brown hair. Tall.
Insight: His concentration-'face' also makes him look younger, and more innocent.
3) Female. 16 years. Short light brown hair. Average height.
Insight: twirls hair around fingers when she thinks, and purses lips.
4) Male. 17 years. Light brown hair. Tall.
Insight: Folds lips under when he thinks. Not a very fast typer.
5) Male. 16 years. Short black hair. Shortish.
Insight: concentrates really hard, and draws eyebrows together.
6) Male. 16 years. Fluffy brown hair. Tall.
Insight: Has a tendency to mumble.
7) Female. 16 years. Short dyed black hair. Short.
Insight: Widens eyes depending on what she does.
8) Female. 16 years. Long brown hair. Tall.
Insight: Plays with nails and cares more about what people think of her than she says.
9) ME.
The end.
~H

14 December 2011

Take The Elevator.







By myself I stood, in this metal box-room. Four metal walls that trapped me like a caged animal. On the adjacent wall; a red poster about ‘feelings’ flirted with me, it said “don’t hide away your emotions, set them free!” – Ironic considering the current setting. I was stood to the right of the elevator watching the number on the wall slowly decrease until it stops at ground floor. I was going to the basement. With no one around the shop at this late hour it was quite surprising when a man walked into the elevator with me and stood to the left staring at the door as it closed. He wore a large trench coat that was beige in colour; his hair was black and oily, flattened down to his odd-shaped scalp and his expression was emotionless. He hid both his hands inside the coat and due to his posture; I could tell he was carrying something awkward. He glanced over to me for a split second; it was a look that would unnerve anyone. I searched him with my eyes and came to the obvious conclusion that it was a heavy object, perhaps made of metal. The light flickered and turned this coffin-like lift into an even more threatening place. I wanted to escape. The man took the perfect opportunity to look move as the light stopped working, blackness shrouded me and I didn’t know where he was. I took a step back and met the cold, hard metal wall with a thud, panicking, I stopped and listened as I thought I heard a footstep in front of me. He was right there about to hurt me, I closed my eyes and let the darkness blend into blackness, but nothing happened. Quizzically, I stood and peered in front of me to see nothing, but when there was another flicker and the angelic light flooded the elevator the man had gone, the door was open, leading down a corridor. I stepped out and looked for a devil that wasn’t there. Perhaps I was mislead. Perhaps not.


>G

13 December 2011

A Lack of Hope.







It was cold. My skinny limbs looked frail and overwhelmed as the hospital gown-like garment I wore pooled around me. It provided little warm, and, catching the flashing glimpses of myself in the mirror-plated walls I was ushered past, I looked small and filthy. I was one of many. All of us in Compound B were herded in one large line, down the narrow corridors of the Institute. Where we were headed this time, we didn't know, but didn't care.
Hair in snarls and greasy tangles down our backs, left unseen to, we looked bedraggled. Skin dull, and coloured with whichever chemicals had most recently assaulted our immune systems, we barely seemed human. We were grey, and blended perfectly with the despondent building.
I'd often, huddled in the corner of my grey cell, imagined a life outside of the Institute. A life where I hadn't been 'donated' to science. Where my parents, whoever they were, had cared enough to keep me. Where I didn't dread waking up every day, because there'd be another syringe full of the latest experiment to pierce my skin. Where I wasn't what I was now: an empty shell of a human.
Sometimes, I imagined, too. It was dangerous, imagining. If anyone found out about my imagining, I'd be out. Out. Because we were all replaceable. Disposable.
I was disposable.


~H