I wonder whether I'm ambitious, like actual ambition. There's a question asked once too often, what do you want to be when your older? It really gets at me, mainly cause I struggled to answer it. I would be happy working in a small shop, just another worker in the hive, getting to help people day to day. I didn't feel there was much else I could be, sure if I put my mind to it I could wrestle through uni and make something of myself, but I didn't really want too. I never really knew what I'd do after that, I'd feel lost, being on my own after such a long time in education. Struggling to find a path, I made one up for myself, it was a path I thought would keep me happy. It did, for a while, but now I've spent time thinking. Now my ambitions are clear. I think I figured what I really want. I think I know what I want to be.
I want to be a father. I want a family, a wife, kids, maybe one day, grand kids. I want to watch them grow up, watch them develop, watch them smile. I want to be happy, to enjoy each day and the things that each day brings. I want a simple life, but one in which I can keep my wife and kids smiling. I want to live for them. Is that ambition, I guess, maybe. I feel as if its a fitting path, a path that would keep me happy, keep me stable. I envy those I see with the life I want. Surely that's expected, especially at this time of year, family's happy, children smiling, parents smiling. I want that, I want to smile with my kids and my wife, I want to make my wife and kids smile. I want to give them everything I have to give, I'm willing to give them everything I can give.
I just want to be happy, to be simple, to have something meaningful, something strong.
I want to know what its all like.
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