Read the first instalment in the Penguin Phil series (The Philosophical Passtimes of Penguin Phil) here!
A long time ago - 7 months and 20 days, to be exact - in a galaxy not so far away - to be precise, this one - there was a penguin. A penguin called, as you might recall, Phil. So, for several reasons (mainly species and name) the penguin, called Phil, came to be known as Penguin Phil.
When we left our hero - because Penguin Phil was a hero, amongst penguins at least, no one really remembers why; most penguins are, in fact, heroes - he had decided to leave his home, and seek a job! Because, Phil (a penguin) was not fond of his home. Sure, if you liked snow and fish, it was heavenly, but Phil, despite his love of fishing, was a vegetarian. He also had a great dislike of the colour white - a dislike not at all helped by the fact that he was, at least, half white. Because he was a penguin. Called Phil. Phillip to his mum, who is, as you might've guessed, also a penguin. Called Phyllis.
So Phil set off one morning, on a snowmobile, because - after, oh, a foot or so? - waddling tires you out. And, you may remember (I'm sincerely hoping you do remember all of this), Phil was asthmatic. He rode and rode (for penguins cannot fly. Unlike puffins. Damn puffins. Remember, penguins hate puffin. And Phil was a penguin) until he reached the far right of the South Pole. Here, Phil was stuck, there was a sea in front of him. Phil was a penguin, of course, so could swim, but really, it is rather cold, you know. So, Phil, using all of his penguin prowess, stood there. For three months. Nothing happened. Phil, a penguin, despite the notoriously good patience of his kind (penguins) got bored. So he swam. Like a penguin. Called Phil.
When Penguin Phil arose, on land, like the proverbial sea Pokémon arising for a battle (but not Magikarp. Magikarp sucks.), he was a litle warm. Phil had swam to Australia, which is, as you may realise, quite a bit hotter than the South Pole. Phil, a penguin by nature, and, indeed by all the other stuff, was rather toasty. So, Phil waddled (alas, Australia was sorely lacking in snowmobiles) to the nearest shop, and bought himself two ice packs. Phil had no money, per se, but he did pretend to be the penguin off Happy Feet to get free stuff. He duly held the ice packs under his flippers, sandwiching them in a familiar chill.
When Penguin Phil, now lovely and cold, waddled (alas, the shop, too, had a startling lack of snowmobiles - or even shopmobility scooters) outside, he saw a man. Men, aside from David Attenborough, who Phil was quite familiar with, didn't frequent the South Pole. Because, men, much unlike penguins, like Phil, didn't like the cold. So this one, a tall, pink fellow with a beard and long hair, was an odd sight. Though, I quite imagine that he was more shocked to see a penguin, like Phil, emerging from the shop with two ice packs and a Mars bar - a rarity for penguins, like Phil, at home. The man said Phil was perfect, however, as penguins were just what he needed for his latest film. And, lo and behold, Phil was a penguin!
So, this is how Phil, a penguin, became the first penguin, called Phil, to get a job working on a live-action blockbuster. The man, not at all penguin-like, Phil had decided, who called himself Peter Jackson (a human, not the famous penguin long-jump champion) was directing a film called The Hobbit and needed something to keep the hat of a fellow called Gandalf (again, no penguin) straight. Phil, as a penguin, it turned out, was the right shape. Soon thereafter, Penguin Phil, in a snazzy little hat and mittens combination he'd bought (by impersonation), and Peter Jackson (the human, not the penguin) were flying over another (smaller) sea to New Zealand to film. Flying. Take that puffins!
Penguin Phil will return in the Puzzling Prosthetics and Peters of the Perplexing Profession of Penguin Phil!
WJ
A long time ago - 7 months and 20 days, to be exact - in a galaxy not so far away - to be precise, this one - there was a penguin. A penguin called, as you might recall, Phil. So, for several reasons (mainly species and name) the penguin, called Phil, came to be known as Penguin Phil.
When we left our hero - because Penguin Phil was a hero, amongst penguins at least, no one really remembers why; most penguins are, in fact, heroes - he had decided to leave his home, and seek a job! Because, Phil (a penguin) was not fond of his home. Sure, if you liked snow and fish, it was heavenly, but Phil, despite his love of fishing, was a vegetarian. He also had a great dislike of the colour white - a dislike not at all helped by the fact that he was, at least, half white. Because he was a penguin. Called Phil. Phillip to his mum, who is, as you might've guessed, also a penguin. Called Phyllis.
So Phil set off one morning, on a snowmobile, because - after, oh, a foot or so? - waddling tires you out. And, you may remember (I'm sincerely hoping you do remember all of this), Phil was asthmatic. He rode and rode (for penguins cannot fly. Unlike puffins. Damn puffins. Remember, penguins hate puffin. And Phil was a penguin) until he reached the far right of the South Pole. Here, Phil was stuck, there was a sea in front of him. Phil was a penguin, of course, so could swim, but really, it is rather cold, you know. So, Phil, using all of his penguin prowess, stood there. For three months. Nothing happened. Phil, a penguin, despite the notoriously good patience of his kind (penguins) got bored. So he swam. Like a penguin. Called Phil.
When Penguin Phil arose, on land, like the proverbial sea Pokémon arising for a battle (but not Magikarp. Magikarp sucks.), he was a litle warm. Phil had swam to Australia, which is, as you may realise, quite a bit hotter than the South Pole. Phil, a penguin by nature, and, indeed by all the other stuff, was rather toasty. So, Phil waddled (alas, Australia was sorely lacking in snowmobiles) to the nearest shop, and bought himself two ice packs. Phil had no money, per se, but he did pretend to be the penguin off Happy Feet to get free stuff. He duly held the ice packs under his flippers, sandwiching them in a familiar chill.
When Penguin Phil, now lovely and cold, waddled (alas, the shop, too, had a startling lack of snowmobiles - or even shopmobility scooters) outside, he saw a man. Men, aside from David Attenborough, who Phil was quite familiar with, didn't frequent the South Pole. Because, men, much unlike penguins, like Phil, didn't like the cold. So this one, a tall, pink fellow with a beard and long hair, was an odd sight. Though, I quite imagine that he was more shocked to see a penguin, like Phil, emerging from the shop with two ice packs and a Mars bar - a rarity for penguins, like Phil, at home. The man said Phil was perfect, however, as penguins were just what he needed for his latest film. And, lo and behold, Phil was a penguin!
So, this is how Phil, a penguin, became the first penguin, called Phil, to get a job working on a live-action blockbuster. The man, not at all penguin-like, Phil had decided, who called himself Peter Jackson (a human, not the famous penguin long-jump champion) was directing a film called The Hobbit and needed something to keep the hat of a fellow called Gandalf (again, no penguin) straight. Phil, as a penguin, it turned out, was the right shape. Soon thereafter, Penguin Phil, in a snazzy little hat and mittens combination he'd bought (by impersonation), and Peter Jackson (the human, not the penguin) were flying over another (smaller) sea to New Zealand to film. Flying. Take that puffins!
Penguin Phil will return in the Puzzling Prosthetics and Peters of the Perplexing Profession of Penguin Phil!
WJ
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