Am-bish-un.

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Ambition. Am-bish-un. Amm-bish-unnn. It sounds weird and heavy on my tongue. And clumsy. It’s a clumsy word, in my opinion. And my opinion counts- Mam says. Mam says that my opinion counts and Mam says that “having ambition is a good thing, Jonno; it’s something you should get”.

And then I say, “Mam, I would get some am-bish-un if you gave me some money, and let me go t’ the shop.”

And then Mam pats me on the head and says, “You are a silly one, Jonno”. I just smile, cause I don’t actually know what Mam is talking about. Sometimes Mam talks in “tongues”. Mr White told me that. Mr White told me that talking in “tongues” means that nobody can understand you. Or something like that. I like Mr White.

I don’t like the smell of anty-septic. It’s really clingy. And even when I am far away from it, I still think I can smell it through my nostrils. It’s a bit like lights. When I see a light and then go and shut my eyes I can still see it. I told Mam about that.

Once, I went to the shop. To look for some am-bish-un. The shop lady is very nice. Every time the shop lady sees me, I get a smile. And sometimes the shop lady will say “Hullo Jonno!” And I like it when the shop lady says that, cause it rhymes. Hull-o, Jonn-o. 

So I said “Hullo!” to the shop lady, and then the shop lady asked me what I was looking for. “I am looking for some am-bish-un”. The shop lady didn’t understand, so I began to talk about Mam telling me that am-bish-un was a good thing to have.

“Oh you silly boy, Jonno! Ambition is not a thing you can buy!” And this confused me very much.

Then Mam appeared and took me home.

I would like some am-bish-un. I just don’t know how to get it. Mam told me that am-bish-un is where you have a goal. I don’t know how to get goals except in footie, and I’m not good at that at all. I always fall over when I play footie, and my team usually laughs at me. And I laugh with my team, because I am a “silly one”.

So, the question is- Mam says I sound fil-o-sof-ic-ul when I say that-the question is: how do I get a goal? How do I get some am-bish-un when I am not good at footie? If I ask Mam, I will get called “silly” again. Silly is another funny word. Like am-bish-un. But not as bad.

I am going to ask Mr White to get me some am-bish-un. Mr White is coming round to my house later. Mr White always comes round to my house on a Wednesday, because it is a school day. Mam likes Mr White too. Mam always says, when school is over in our living room, that I have to “say thank you to lovely Mr White for helping you, Jonno”. And I do. Every time school is over in our living room.

Am-bish-un is very confusing. I want some, but I do not know where to go for it. I want to get Mam some for a present. To say thank you to Mam, because Mam looks after me. Mam makes me some dinner every day, Mam buys me some picture books when I am good, Mam pours me some milk when I am thirsty, Mam is nice to me when I feel sad. I don’t feel sad very much. Mam says that when I am sad, Mam is also sad. I don’t understand that, but Mam just smiles. I think Mam deserves some am-bish-un, because it is good to have. I want some too, but Mam always says that you have to “think of others before yourself”. I understand that.

I don’t understand much. Am-bish-un is something I don’t, but I will. I am going to get some am-bish-un for Mam. Then for me. No, for Mr White, first. Because Mam always says that you have to “think of others before yourself”. Then for me.

Then Mam, and maybe Mr White, will give me big hugs and say, “Well done, Jonno! You are a very good boy!” And then I will smile, because I like it when people call me a good boy. I try to be a good boy. But I am clumsy. And it is hard to be a good boy as well as being a clumsy boy at the same time. Mam always says I look sol-um when I say that, but Mam also says that it is understandable.

Am-bish-un. Amm-bish-unnn. I like that word. I am going to start using it. Even if I don’t know what it means. Apart from goals. Because I don’t understand why Mam thinks I need goals for my future. Mam says am-bish-un is about future. I say I don’t want future with Mam. Mam laughs.

I can’t wait to get some am-bish-un. Mam will be very proud. And Mam will stop doing the sad smiles that I see on Mam’s face when Mam is looking at me and Mam thinks I am not looking. With am-bish-un, Mam might stop secret-crying that I am not supposed to see, but I do, when we are in the hospital for me.

Am-bish-un will make everything better.

~H

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